Let it Go

Happy Friday!!

I woke up this morning to intense emotions about what I have to do today. I got up from my bed flustered with worrying. I decided to return to my bed. Sitting down. I began to meditate. And the words flowed out of me: Let it Go.

Let it all GO!!

Like me, many of us spend our time worrying about everything and anything. We fret about the past, the present, and future situations that haven't happened. We worry because we fear. As someone, who suffers from anxiety disorder I know what it's like to deal with constant worry. I have to work really hard to reduce my anxiety, let go of worry, and just be in the present. I have to practice yoga at least 3 times a week, pray, meditate and do vigorous exercise. If I don't....you do not want to be around me! TRUST ME.ha ha! I know it is not easy......but we must LET IT GO. LET IT GO. LET IT GO.

We worry about the things beyond our control. Why not make a radical shift? Focus on what we have the power to control. Yes, we have more power than we give ourselves credit for.

Think about and answer: What is actually within your control?


We have the power to be happy. We are the architects of our destiny.
We choose how we feel on a daily basis.
We have the power to change our thoughts, actions, and behaviors.
We are NOT alone. Our creator is always with us. We are not given more than we can bear.

Today, whatever is bothering you, whatever you are worried about, whoever you are worried about....Just know that this too shall pass (Listen to India.Aire!!). Worry only leads to more worry. Worry will make you physically, emotionally, and mentally ill. It leads to stress, depression and an infinite cycle of anxiety that is good for NO ONE.

My Affirmations:
Today is a new day. The past is behind us.
I am strong, brave, and courageous.
I will do my best today.



How do you deal with worry? Any positive affirmations you would like to share? Please do send me your comments.



From my sister Migue's words: Choose to be a WARRIOR not a WORRIER!!!

with courage,
RP

poetry in motion: the other side of happy

we all have those days. where nothing seems right. the poem below is one of those days for me. i cringe before i click 'publish post' because this poem feels incomplete. like there is more to give but i don't. i cringe again. but its time i let go. sometimes things are not the way you like them to be but you try anyway. this is my way of trying and letting go. hope you enjoy.


the other side of happy

i do not feel fulfilled
i am on a path with no direction
loved ones surround me with their own
dreams and narrow roads
while i am winding, turning, hitting dead ends,
heading on curvy paths that lead me to unknown destinations
feeling incomplete

the glass is half empty

but i hold on to my cloaks of hope
and my main accessory that is love
i am destined for greatness
for things unheard of
for magical gifts unseen

the glass is half full


a little embarrassed but still tough,
RPoet

moving mountains..

i woke up this morning and went right on the mat. my yoga practice is essential just like brushing my teeth. so i did just that. i did not feel like power yoga so i turned on fit tv and followed shiva rea's vinyasa flow: water and shanti practices. the shanti practices were all downward facing dogs, warrior poses, back bends and hip openers. as yogis and yoginis know, hip openers help open and release emotions. for me they always help release the tension i have in my root chakra. my body desperately needed these hip openers. my soul was desperate to release the tension, anxiety, fears i have been carrying the past five days. in releasing all these emotions and energy something happened.. i cried. i went upstairs and talked to my partner about the things i have been holding in. all of my fears about my past, present AND future. (the easiest way for me to be overwhelmed, stressed, and confused is to obsess over my baggage! don't we all?) he simply listened. gave me useful advice but he knew i was not listening. i went to the bathroom to get in the shower.. and i heard him call my name. something told me to walk back into our office. and that is when he told me "I want to read something to you. Just sit and listen." He began to read Matthew 17:14-20. I began to cry. I am not a religious person. I've only read the bible as an obligation (born and raised catholic). But today. I was ready to listen to those words "So Jesus said to them, “Because of your unbelief;[b] for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you." Beautiful words!! With faith the size of a mustard seed (truly a small, small seed) you can move mountains!

that is what i know i can do..move mountains. all i need is faith and belief in the greater (supreme) being. With God I am not alone. (I am still not a religious person. I prefer to focus on my spiritual (soul) foundation. I enjoy reading the bible, buddhism and I hope to read the Q'uran soon). With God you are NEVER alone.

sending you love and much courage,
RPoeta

Bicycles ( Thanks to Nikki Giovanni)

In my 28 years of living I never owned a bike in my life. Actually my three siblings and I never had a bike we could call our own. Mami couldn't afford it. Yet that didn't stop us from riding one. Thanks to the community of friends who let us borrow theirs surrounding the few blocks that made up Hunts Point we learned. Early on, I was desperate to learn to ride a bike. I watched all my friends get up and go their merry way up and down the street blocks. I envied their carefree attitudes. "I wanted what they had...the freedom to ride." So I got the nerve to ask my friend to give me one ride. I wanted it real bad. I couldnt help myself. I was itching to ride. And when I did. it felt good!! That was the best ride of my life! lol Okay, maybe not the best but I always remember that day like it was an adventure...a climb up Mt. Everest. I was so proud of myself.

I learned to trust my body by balancing on a friend's two wheels. I wanted that part of my childhood back. That moment in time as an eleven year old (before the sexual abuse and internalized self-loathing) where I did not second guess myself or doubt my greatness.

I listened to the inner-chica in me and did just that. Eight weeks ago I went into Target like a kid in FAO Schwartz (or Toys R Us). Trying on bikes like a diva tries on shoes. And found the bike that was just right. I got on that bike like I been riding for years! It felt so good to ride...free. I loved myself enough to believe in myself and seek balance in order to ride freely down the Philly streets!! I learned that bicycles, like love, requires trust and balance (Nikki Giovanni).



with courage,
rebel poet

rest in peace abuelita.

death is a part of life. my paternal grandmother died three weeks ago. i was devastated. we were not expecting it. one minute she was healthy, dancing, singing and cooking (as she told my mother via phone) and then she was in the hospital fighting to breathe in the breath of life but her lungs and heart failed on her. i felt robbed. i just got my grandmother back (i reconnected with her in 2008). and now she is gone! i was mad. only for a minute. then i was sad. i later remembered that God knows best. her spirit is and will always be with me.

mi abuela sofia te quiero mucho.

Becoming The Constant Gardener

"If you allow compassion to spring from your heart, the fire of anger will die right away."

I'm focused on planting the seeds of compassion in every aspect of my life. I work to practice compassionate listening, compassionate understanding, compassionate patience and just being an all around loving person. I want to move away from judging a person based on how they make me react to things they might do. It's definitely a challenge but when you are mindful and allow yourself to listen, see, and reflect. You begin to see that they are not the central causes of those reactions. Shit is hard to be able to do all the time. But it is ME that is the cause not anyone else. Sometimes I don't practice mindfulness (I.e. Compassion) and I slip. I say something mean. I flip out! I use sarcasm to deflect from the situation or get angry. Here, I fail to commit to my duties as the gardener. How can I plant and nurture seeds if I don't commit to a practice? How can I become a better gardener to myself and others around me?

I want to do away with anger and reduce the stress and anxiety that I have. I know it's not easy but I have been doing much better. I also have learned that I have to be disciplined about my practice of mindful meditation. It is my antidote to doing away with anger and anxiety. Everytime I'm close to slipping I think of my garden. For everyday I slip I'm failing to water (nurture) the seeds of compassion. I never thought I could be a gardener but today I know I can. We all could. The seeds of anger and anxiety should not be so closely tended to. Why continue to nurture the weeds in my garden? They must be clipped! Are you ready to get rid of the bad seeds (that do not blossom but hinder your growth) in your life? I am!
What will you do to plant the seeds of healing in your life? Are you ready to blossom?

Remember healing is like gardening.


With courage,
RP

Reunited...and it feels SO good!!!

It was Sunday. The last Sunday in March to be exact. My father called me to tell me that we had a half sister. I was shocked but I was not angry. A little sister?! :-) yay!! How exciting?! That was when I realized that I had forgiven my father and in turn have forgiven myself. He and I have come a long way! We have been talking for the last four months on a consistent basis. To be honest it feels really good to have a friendship with him. He's gotten into sending my siblings and I text messages which I think is super cute. He's not the father I dreamed I wanted when I was a kid. He was never around. Left my mother and her four kids to take care of ourselves. He was emotionally and physically absent. I resented and believed I hated him for years. I used to pray and pray for him to be a father to us. Although he's not the father I hoped for he IS the father our Creator has blessed me (and my siblings) with. I can and have accepted that. It has allowed me to have a relationship with him that I never imagined. And I'm beginning to see myself in him. Something I was not able to do before. It makes me happy to have him in my life. There are still some things (actually a great deal of ish) we are working through. But I'm really happy and eager to begin the path of love with him.

You might be wondering about this new sister. I spent the weekend with family back home in NYC. My siblings and I reunited with our little sis. She's a 17 year old high school senior going to John Jay college in the fall. She's smart, funny, witty and an avid reader. Kind of reminds me of someone I know (wink, wink). I loved her the moment I met her. She fit right in. And the look on my father's face was priceless!! It was so worth it having him spend time with most of his kids. (We have an estranged sibling who's not ready to meet us yet. We are hopeful he will come around but if he doesn't that is okay too). Forgiveness allowed me the space to enjoy the fruits of my amazingly, funny, loving, and crazy family. I would not have it any other way....

With love and courage,
Rebel P