A Sweet Escape

I am learning that part of letting go of [the illusion] control is to be honest with yourself and what you are feeling. Be real! I am tired. I am stressed. I am not okay. On Wednesday, I walked to the corner store in search of a sweet escape (in this case it was ice cream). I greeted my fellow neighbor/store clerk. How are you? He said. Stressed and exhausted, I said. He looks at me. He is not shocked but a bit confused. He tells me “God doesn’t give you more than you can bear. You will get through this. You are not alone. You are never alone.” I walk out the store reflecting on this cliché that I hear often. I know it is true. God is always with me. I am never alone. We are never alone. But there are times when I doubt. The Christian guilt I was indoctrinated with becomes to emerge. (How dare you doubt God?) I come back to my senses, letting go of that “guilt.” It is okay to doubt. It is okay to be honest with yourself. But I know that I must never doubt that God is with me. That is something that I will always know is true. Sometimes I hold on to this need to feel like everything has to be planned and it has to go “my way.” And when it doesn't go my way. I break down. I must let that feeling and negative vibrations go. And while I write and obsess (at least it seems like I do) on the need to release “control” I continue to do it. Shoot! I mustn’t be hard on myself though. I’m human. I will have my moments but those will be expected. However, I am grateful to that afternoon of sweet escape. I went looking for a sugar rush that comes on a chocolate cookie crust with a vanilla ice cream filling but I left with so much more.

With Courage,
RPoet