Acceptance

Last night's rain storm was a beautiful sight to see. The sounds of nature were truly calming. It had me thinking about acceptance. What does it mean to accept yourself as you are? And I guess it had me thinking about what I continue to avoid or deny and how I must accept where I am at in order to move forward so that I can heal fully.

We all avoid what we try long and hard to deny. What is your "thing" that you neglect to see or face? What is that thing you ignore because you are scared of the outcome? I have some random things that I avoid. As I write them I begin to think that they are not so random but all connected to my fears...

I avoid showing public displays of affection with friends and family. It makes me quite uncomfortable or so I think.

I avoid my true dreams and desires because I am scared of my own success.

I avoid....to ignore the truth of my life. You may be wondering what that truth is..but I am not sure yet.

I avoid my father because I am scared he will hurt me again.

I avoid the truth of my wishes to be a writer. But a part me believes that I am not really a "good" writer (whatever that means). That I don't write as well as I should. Sometimes I wish I could embrace more self-confidence. But I avoid that too.

I always wanted to write. Since I was a little girl but I did not cultivate my desire to write at an early age (with the exception of my journals) because I lacked the confidence. A part of me feels like writing is an essential part of living. The same way that breathing is important to living. So is my writing. Now I know that I must write. I know that my voice is unique but I avoid. I don't listen to the voice inside of me telling me its angry, frustrated, happy or sad. I do accept this reality and I am going to work on no longer turning my back on what I really want.

This list can go on and on. But I simply want to recognize and accept the things that I avoid. I know that we make a choice to avoid what we know we should embrace. To accept this reality is an important step in having the courage to change and love. This is what's it really about. The inevitability of change brings me comfort and also a bit of frustration. We in some ways think we have total control over change but we do not. It is like the tidal wave we either flow with it or against it. But remember the tidal wave will continue to flow..so its best to flow with it.

with courage,
RPoet