Blame the victim?

The mind is an amazing and powerful muscle. It never fails when March rolls around I go into a deep depression. My body does not feel my own. I think about the day I was date raped back in college. 10 years ago on March 5th. I think about how things changed for the rest of my life. I still have regret (like I could've done something to change what happened..which is not true!). A regret that lies at the core of white supremacist patriarchy. How we blame the survivor of assault. How we question her motives or say its her fault for the rape?!

I think of the 11 year old Latina from Cleveland, Texas a victim of gang rape..and the community's harrowing response. I think of folks who have all this sympathy for Chris Brown but still question Rihanna. I think of all the little black and brown girls who are survivors of abuse but never, never, never speak up because they know like I know that they will get blamed too.

As a survivor, resisting and making meaning of my traumatic experiences is a daily struggle for me. But I get through it by fighting and using the tools of self-love and resistance to get me through. And IT DOES!!

As a feminist, I am aware that the way I am made to feel (this guilt, blame, and shame) is a part of a larger social and oppressive structure that upholds and protects the abuse against women. Sometimes in my saddest moments I reflect and think that I could have changed what happened to me. But I cannot blame myself. And society should not blame a woman (or survivor of assault) for something her perpetrator has done.

Zen-Like

Sundays, are usually an emotional overload kind of day, its like dropping off a Uhaul of everyone's problems on my door step. Sundays are the only day that I have to myself. I tend to think about everything that consumes me throughout the week but that I tend to avoid by immersing myself into my full-time job. Instead of quieting the voice inside me filled with anxiety and stress..I run away from it. I lock them in a box and then they open on Sundays..when I can't take it anymore. On these days all I want to do is avoid the truck and everything in it.

Yet, today is a different day. I'm not sure if the sunny weather has anything to do with it but I am feeling hopeful. Not overwhelmed. The Uhaul did not park in front of my house today. I woke up and decided to embrace the Buddha that lies within me. To be at peace, to find tranquility admist the storm, and to just be more zen-like.

with love,
Rebel Poeta

note: Taken with Instagram

Loving instagram app

Inspired as I wait for the bus using my camera phone...














With courage,
Rebel Poeta

Loving hipstamatic

Hello friends:
It's been quite a while. I am out of my depression. Or at least I think so. The stress and worry of my dear loved one had me in a rut. Writers-block, artist-block, you name it I had it...Luckily today is a new day.

As I continue on my journey to become a photographer, I discovered a cool app: hipstamatic.









With courage,
Rebel Poeta

In times of crisis....

These last two weeks have been very difficult. Someone really close to me is in trouble. Unfortunately, there is not much I can physically do to help this person. So what I have been doing is something that I found to be important. Pray. Stay Positive. Keep the faith.


I am learning that in times of crisis, you learn not only who your real friends and family are but that problems or situations you have long denied only get magnified in moments of despair. You are given this opportunity to confront the dilemma head on. One must decide do I address this issue or wait for another day (read: avoid it)? I say confront the issue. Even if you are dealing with a crisis. Both can be done. In moments like this, I reflect upon my life and count my blessings. I also pray more and spend time with friends who love me and will be there for me. The old me would lock herself in her mental cave and withdraw from the world. Not anymore. Over time I have learned that if I want to practice a loving ethic I must embrace the community that will support me.

In times of crisis, take the opportunity to confront the predicament with the support of your family and friends. One is never alone!

with courage, vulnerability, and love,
RP

artist credit: drawing by my 8 year old "niece."

making the invisible visible...as i journey to the city

feeling homesick...