Breaking Silences

"...And there are so many silences to be broken." -Cancer Journals: Special Edition Audre Lorde

I feel a great deal of pain.

Pain for my sister who lost her husband two months ago.

Pain for my little brother who I haven't seen in over 3 months.

Pain for my mother, who aches for her baby boy. With the fear that she may never see him again.

Pain for myself. Because I can't stop the self-loathing.

I ache, ache, ache for my loved ones and myself.

This pain I hold. I hold tender in my heart. I hold it tucked in my mind. Like one holds on to a newborn baby for fear of exposing it to the pain of the outside world. I prefer to conceal the pain.

I hold on to my pain and fears. Rather than let them go. To let these things go would mean opening the cages I have kept locked in for far too long.

I re-read Audre Lorde's Cancer journals because I know she will help me see that silence is worst than the fear of showing my true self.

Image: Street Art in center city, Philly. Taken with Instagram (@sapphireshoots).


With Courage,
Rebel Poeta