"Anger and love are both of an organic nature, and thus they both can change. Hate can always be transformed into love. And unfortunately, many times love is transformed into hate." Thich Nhat Hanh, Taming the Tiger Within: Meditations on Transforming Difficult Emotions
I have been watering the seeds of anger that lies within me for much too long. I am learning that I have the power to change it. All I need is to be mindful (through meditation, breathing, truthfulness, and love). For the last two weeks, I have been working on my anger. Thanks to the Buddhist teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh I am learning to become a student of mindful meditation. It is a process but now I know that every time I am begin to get angry or anxious that the first step is to embrace the feeling. Trying to avoid or neglect that those feelings exist only make it worse and do nothing but evade the responsibility I have to face my (fears) feelings of anger. It has been quite an arduous task to embrace the feeling. Coming from someone who automatically (without any second thought) tries to conceal those feelings or act like they don't exist. To face my feelings of anger is to admit that something is wrong. Also, it requires that I unpack the root of this anger. The unpacking is not like when you return home from a vacation and you struggle to empty out the luggage because you are too tired to unpack all of the items you carried on your trip. It is worst. This emotional baggage sits deeper and deeper in the luggage of your mind. You gotta get through the first layer to begin unpacking. Then the second, the third, the fourth...The closer I get to unpacking the more I learn about myself. I begin to see and understand the ways I have used anger and the ways that anger has nurtured my anxiety (disorder). I am finally understanding that to get to the root of my fear I have to.. no I MUST face my baby, anger (read the book,Anger by Thich Nhat Hanh).
with lots of courage,
RPoet
thanks sis. very interesting piece. it just shows how different (yet the same) we all are. we are dealing with the SAME emotion but reacting DIFFERENTLY. while you and many people surpress anger and pretend it's not there, i tend to brew it in, get all comfy and just react at anything. i get upset, angry, feel hurt and all hell breaks lose, whomever i feel is 'causing' this anger or uncomfort is going to 'get it' from me. be it my mama, a rebellious teenager on the L train, or my man, they are ALL going to feel my wrath. then when it passes (which it ALWAYS does lol) i am left feeling guilty, such a sad cycle. thanks for the courage to write about your anger, anxiety and you.
ReplyDeletei appreciate this.
light!
m