We all have those days when nothing goes "right." I have been having those kind of days for the last 3 months or so. You would think I learned the first time but when you are warped in the world of fear you become unaware and consumed by it. We forget our power because fear blinds us. The return of Nancy came swift and quick. I didn't even notice it. And when I did I continued to let Nancy guide my feelings and decision making. And the minute something unexpected happened or I knew it was something that I did not have control over Nancy would come out. She (read: me) would be angry, frustrated, sad, and depressed. Until last night, i put a stop to letting her (read:fear) try to keep me down. It is then when I remembered the power of the mind. If I continue to let her take over me and consume me with negativity and fear I will continue to be unhappy. I made a choice today to change the way I "see" things. (thanks Brittany!) Just recently I lost my wallet and everything in it. "fuck! This is NOT happening today. Im so pissed. I have no money to get on the bus to see my family tomorrow." i thought I was helpless. I really had no way to buy a ticket. However, when i changed my view on this situation. I "see" an opportunity for humility, to slow down and learn from this situation. I lost my wallet because I needed to slow down. I have been a worry nut, neglecting myself and my needs and I have been working like a robot. I lost my wallet because I needed to see what I have been doing to myself.
This morning, I made a decision: "I'm going home. God will make a way for me." And that's when it happened. A ride to NYC tomorrow morning. Then my mother sent me $ for my ticket back to Philly. What a blessing! Im actually not happy i lost my wallet but glad that it allowed me to change my lens and/or perspective. I'm grateful to my alter ego and unpleasant friend Nancy. I'm not always happy and the sun doesn't always shine on me. Fear will always be here but i am working on lessening its power in my life. I also know those are lessons (even if they are unpleasant) that become blessings. We all have our days..but it's how we handle those crazy, out of control, wacky moments that matter most. Remember the power lies within you. Find the courage to unpack those fears. Accept that life's lessons are not always packaged in pretty, happy, joyful gifts but they come in unexpected, not so pretty and maybe even shitty packages but they are gifts nonetheless.
With courage,
RPoet
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