Blame the victim?

The mind is an amazing and powerful muscle. It never fails when March rolls around I go into a deep depression. My body does not feel my own. I think about the day I was date raped back in college. 10 years ago on March 5th. I think about how things changed for the rest of my life. I still have regret (like I could've done something to change what happened..which is not true!). A regret that lies at the core of white supremacist patriarchy. How we blame the survivor of assault. How we question her motives or say its her fault for the rape?!

I think of the 11 year old Latina from Cleveland, Texas a victim of gang rape..and the community's harrowing response. I think of folks who have all this sympathy for Chris Brown but still question Rihanna. I think of all the little black and brown girls who are survivors of abuse but never, never, never speak up because they know like I know that they will get blamed too.

As a survivor, resisting and making meaning of my traumatic experiences is a daily struggle for me. But I get through it by fighting and using the tools of self-love and resistance to get me through. And IT DOES!!

As a feminist, I am aware that the way I am made to feel (this guilt, blame, and shame) is a part of a larger social and oppressive structure that upholds and protects the abuse against women. Sometimes in my saddest moments I reflect and think that I could have changed what happened to me. But I cannot blame myself. And society should not blame a woman (or survivor of assault) for something her perpetrator has done.

Zen-Like

Sundays, are usually an emotional overload kind of day, its like dropping off a Uhaul of everyone's problems on my door step. Sundays are the only day that I have to myself. I tend to think about everything that consumes me throughout the week but that I tend to avoid by immersing myself into my full-time job. Instead of quieting the voice inside me filled with anxiety and stress..I run away from it. I lock them in a box and then they open on Sundays..when I can't take it anymore. On these days all I want to do is avoid the truck and everything in it.

Yet, today is a different day. I'm not sure if the sunny weather has anything to do with it but I am feeling hopeful. Not overwhelmed. The Uhaul did not park in front of my house today. I woke up and decided to embrace the Buddha that lies within me. To be at peace, to find tranquility admist the storm, and to just be more zen-like.

with love,
Rebel Poeta

note: Taken with Instagram

Loving instagram app

Inspired as I wait for the bus using my camera phone...














With courage,
Rebel Poeta

Loving hipstamatic

Hello friends:
It's been quite a while. I am out of my depression. Or at least I think so. The stress and worry of my dear loved one had me in a rut. Writers-block, artist-block, you name it I had it...Luckily today is a new day.

As I continue on my journey to become a photographer, I discovered a cool app: hipstamatic.









With courage,
Rebel Poeta