Thursday, March 31, 2011

Blame the victim?

The mind is an amazing and powerful muscle. It never fails when March rolls around I go into a deep depression. My body does not feel my own. I think about the day I was date raped back in college. 10 years ago on March 5th. I think about how things changed for the rest of my life. I still have regret (like I could've done something to change what happened..which is not true!). A regret that lies at the core of white supremacist patriarchy. How we blame the survivor of assault. How we question her motives or say its her fault for the rape?!

I think of the 11 year old Latina from Cleveland, Texas a victim of gang rape..and the community's harrowing response. I think of folks who have all this sympathy for Chris Brown but still question Rihanna. I think of all the little black and brown girls who are survivors of abuse but never, never, never speak up because they know like I know that they will get blamed too.

As a survivor, resisting and making meaning of my traumatic experiences is a daily struggle for me. But I get through it by fighting and using the tools of self-love and resistance to get me through. And IT DOES!!

As a feminist, I am aware that the way I am made to feel (this guilt, blame, and shame) is a part of a larger social and oppressive structure that upholds and protects the abuse against women. Sometimes in my saddest moments I reflect and think that I could have changed what happened to me. But I cannot blame myself. And society should not blame a woman (or survivor of assault) for something her perpetrator has done.

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