I was born on September 15, 1981 at 11:54 a.m. in a hospital called Union in the Bronx that no longer exists. (I think its rather ironic that the very thing I continue to seek in my daily life--Union--is also the hospital I was born in.) My young parents were only living in the United States for one year before they had me. I was their "beautiful" surprise my mom said. I usually joke around telling her that this "surprise" is really an unplanned pregnancy but she continues to say I was her blessing..whatever! HA HA!
I reflect on this day and think about all the other birthdays I have had. I remind myself to be grateful for the circle of friends and family that continue to remain in my life. I also remind myself to continue to forgive. Virgos, like me, can be so hard on ourselves. I have a tendency to obsess on the what if i stayed in graduate school, what if i passed my road test, what if, what if?! Those what ifs only hold me back. They lead me to live in regret. And this only holds me back. How can I move forward holding on to regret or guilt more importantly holding on to fear? I am learning to forgive myself so that I can move forward. I am learning to forgive so I can simply love...me.
I shared my feelings on fear on facebook. I usually try to avoid facebook but one day I wrote:"I want to move forward but the fear of failure or maybe it is success just keeps holding me back.."
My dear friend, Cecil, responded with loving and supportive words all coming back to the need to face one's fear and do it with courage. He also shared with me an excerpt on this book known as "The Secret Language of Birthdays." It's an amazing book on personalities, horoscopes, advice and more that is based on birth dates."Here is an excerpt related to your recent post on fear:
"September 15 people may appear to be shy and retiring people, right into their adolescence and even up to age thirty or so but after that period is over, watch out! They often have hidden ambitions which are ultimately revealed. Time is usually on the side of those born on this day, for they can wait for years, patiently honing their talents, gathering information or developing their ideas in order to one day make their big move."
Also, the book indicates that your Meditation should be:
"Have the Courage to Want the Very Best for Yourself"
I thought this message (and the book) were telling. I need to let go of this fear of failure. I also must forgive myself for not following "the plan." I know that my plan wasn't the plan our Creator had for me. I must embrace where I am at in my life right now. I must let go of the past and move forward. As I think about my past, I look forward with my head held high knowing that I am destined for greatness. And maybe I don't have what I want right now but it will require me to be patient, to work on developing my skills, and to build the courage now for when this day comes. I am truly grateful to new and old friends and family who have been instrumental in shaping the person I have become. Self-love does not happen in isolation..love can only take place in community. Thank you for your love!
Now I know that the first step on the path of self-love (fearlessness, vulnerability, joy, etc.) is having the courage to forgive myself.
Thank you for reading!!
with courage,
RPoet
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