Becoming The Constant Gardener

"If you allow compassion to spring from your heart, the fire of anger will die right away."

I'm focused on planting the seeds of compassion in every aspect of my life. I work to practice compassionate listening, compassionate understanding, compassionate patience and just being an all around loving person. I want to move away from judging a person based on how they make me react to things they might do. It's definitely a challenge but when you are mindful and allow yourself to listen, see, and reflect. You begin to see that they are not the central causes of those reactions. Shit is hard to be able to do all the time. But it is ME that is the cause not anyone else. Sometimes I don't practice mindfulness (I.e. Compassion) and I slip. I say something mean. I flip out! I use sarcasm to deflect from the situation or get angry. Here, I fail to commit to my duties as the gardener. How can I plant and nurture seeds if I don't commit to a practice? How can I become a better gardener to myself and others around me?

I want to do away with anger and reduce the stress and anxiety that I have. I know it's not easy but I have been doing much better. I also have learned that I have to be disciplined about my practice of mindful meditation. It is my antidote to doing away with anger and anxiety. Everytime I'm close to slipping I think of my garden. For everyday I slip I'm failing to water (nurture) the seeds of compassion. I never thought I could be a gardener but today I know I can. We all could. The seeds of anger and anxiety should not be so closely tended to. Why continue to nurture the weeds in my garden? They must be clipped! Are you ready to get rid of the bad seeds (that do not blossom but hinder your growth) in your life? I am!
What will you do to plant the seeds of healing in your life? Are you ready to blossom?

Remember healing is like gardening.


With courage,
RP

Reunited...and it feels SO good!!!

It was Sunday. The last Sunday in March to be exact. My father called me to tell me that we had a half sister. I was shocked but I was not angry. A little sister?! :-) yay!! How exciting?! That was when I realized that I had forgiven my father and in turn have forgiven myself. He and I have come a long way! We have been talking for the last four months on a consistent basis. To be honest it feels really good to have a friendship with him. He's gotten into sending my siblings and I text messages which I think is super cute. He's not the father I dreamed I wanted when I was a kid. He was never around. Left my mother and her four kids to take care of ourselves. He was emotionally and physically absent. I resented and believed I hated him for years. I used to pray and pray for him to be a father to us. Although he's not the father I hoped for he IS the father our Creator has blessed me (and my siblings) with. I can and have accepted that. It has allowed me to have a relationship with him that I never imagined. And I'm beginning to see myself in him. Something I was not able to do before. It makes me happy to have him in my life. There are still some things (actually a great deal of ish) we are working through. But I'm really happy and eager to begin the path of love with him.

You might be wondering about this new sister. I spent the weekend with family back home in NYC. My siblings and I reunited with our little sis. She's a 17 year old high school senior going to John Jay college in the fall. She's smart, funny, witty and an avid reader. Kind of reminds me of someone I know (wink, wink). I loved her the moment I met her. She fit right in. And the look on my father's face was priceless!! It was so worth it having him spend time with most of his kids. (We have an estranged sibling who's not ready to meet us yet. We are hopeful he will come around but if he doesn't that is okay too). Forgiveness allowed me the space to enjoy the fruits of my amazingly, funny, loving, and crazy family. I would not have it any other way....

With love and courage,
Rebel P